Sober mom is the best mom

A sober mom is the best mom according to an article posted on the Pink Cloud Coaching Facebook page just a few days ago. It’s a blog post written in part by a twelve-year-old boy who was just five when his mom got sober. Following is an excerpt from the post:

“They say you feel warm when you drink, but I think my mom is warmer to me when she is sober! That’s my mom! The truth is that she isn’t mad about silly things anymore. She just isn’t mad with much of anything anymore, and that’s another reason why my sober mom is loving and awesome.”

I hear what he’s saying and have to agree with the getting angry over silly things, which don’t seem so silly when you’re nursing a hangover, or reeling from the repercussions from a drunken event. Like getting so drunk that you’re stumbling all over the place while out celebrating a good month of sales with your team. Yah, I don’t miss those days. Those kinds of embarrassing moments have a way of putting you on edge.

My boys at the time I quit alcohol said they didn’t see a problem with my drinking. There’s a part of me that believes all they knew was mom and alcohol. Mom living sober was a significant change in their lifestyle. At least once a week my drinking buddy, who happened to be my sister, would come over and bring her kids. While the adults were drinking and carrying on, the kids would run amuck. When mom got sober, those parties stopped. I think my boys missed that. I would be lying if I said I never thought of that as an excuse to have “one more party…for the kids.” But that never happened.

A sober mom is better able to savor life’s precious moments.

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They are both grown men with their own families now. My oldest is happily married and serves our country in the Navy. My youngest has gifted me with a grandson that I believe in my soul; I wouldn’t be the rock star engaged granny that I am if I were still drinking.

…misusing alcohol to escape, drown, numb, avoid, dumb down, or shut out feelings, events, and problems.

Here’s the truth. You cannot be the best mom that you are capable of and were created to be if you are not a sober mom. I’m not talking about the occasional glass of wine or cocktail; I’m talking about misusing alcohol to escape, drown, numb, avoid, dumb down, or shut out feelings, events, and problems. Come on, stop fooling yourself. Even if your children tell you it’s okay, it’s not. You might skim by as I did, but I missed so much. And honestly, my sons didn’t have anything to compare it to, like the young man who wrote the article.

Now, here’s how I responded to the post that was shared on Pink Cloud Coaching’s page: “Brian, thanks so much for sharing this article. The guilt moms feel about not being present only compounds their need to drink and ease the pain. It only takes a decision to start the change and the guilt of the time missed can be overcome by doing better.”

Beating the crap out of themselves with guilt and shame is a common problem with mothers who misuse alcohol. Whether you want to get sober on your own, twelve step it or work with me on creating a life that moves you forward, instead of pulling you back ; it’s time to make a change.

You can’t change the past, but you can overcome it by compounding better choices moving forward.

Click here to read the “sober moms are the best moms..” full article.

Choose to LIVE sober.

How do you want to live?

Live, darling, LIVE!

I believe that most of us haven’t even begun to understand our potential.

I, for one, was a rising star in my early to mid-twenties. It was all from a deep desire to break the legacy I had been born into.

By my early thirties, I couldn’t keep up with the breakneck pace I was driving at. I got reckless in my choices and life began to spiral. The consequences became painful, I needed quick relief and found it in alcohol. The more mess I made, the more alcohol I consumed, the more alcohol I consumed, the more mess I made.

Change began to happen in one day with one decision

I landed one day weighing in at nearly 22olbs, high blood pressure, low self-esteem, feeling trapped by the life I had created. I was broken and beat. I had been surrendering any charge I had over my life to an abusive and controlling man. It seemed impossible to grow from this dark and desolate place, where I had been struggling for years.

Change began to happen in one day with one decision; I changed by compounding one good choice with another good choice. I became mindful of how I wanted to live and who I wanted to be, for the rest of my life.

I know to expand into my potential I need to be present and aware. Daring and bold. You can’t be these things if you’re fuzzy in the mind, tired, hungover or drunk.

I had never done sober before. I remember telling someone who had been sober for two years I can’t imagine not drinking for that long. I haven’t had a drink in over thirteen years and can’t imagine why I would ever drink again. I’m not afraid to drink. I don’t live sober out of fear of what might happen if I drink. It doesn’t fit with how I want to live and who I want to be. I choose to live sober because it’s the best I can give to myself, my family, my work, and my life.

I saw this video on Facebook and was inspired to keep stretching myself. I hope you watch the video become inspired as well.

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If you want to take massive action in creating YOUR life by CHOICE contact me to get started now.

  Living Sober is to Live Your Best Life!

 

 

Confession Daisy Days

Confession Daisy Days

I have a confession to make. It has been over 3 months since I posted a blog. I was heartbroken and void of any inspiration.

March 3, 2015 was my last post, “I’m not who I was.” On March 13th, 2015, I had to make a decision that would forever change me. I chose to end my pet, companion, confidante, and witness, Daisy’s physical life. She was with me at the end of drinking days, where violence and venom swirled around us. It was a vile man, I often refer to as Prince Harming, who gifted her to me. Isn’t there a saying about from ugly comes beauty, darkness comes light, silence comes song?

We had planned a vacation for that weekend and Daisy was coming along. We had been on borrowed time with her for months then. That week her cough was getting rougher. It racked her body and she had little peace. I would hold her and gently pat her until the episode passed. She still ate well and would walk with me, but for the most part she tried to sleep from exhaustion, when she wasn’t fighting to breathe. Rich and I thought at first we would just bring her along and if she passes – we’d deal with it. Spirit in me knew the most compassionate thing I could do, would cause me the most unimaginable pain.

When I reflect on the day, it’s almost as though I was mechanical. I never committed to the decision. I just kept
taking the next step. I emailed a vet that would come to the home and all seemed to be going along, but they didn’t do after hours or weekends. Rich wanted to be with me and I knew Daisy would want him there. They kindly referred me to another provider, but I would have to call them. It was one thing to email, but to call and speak out loud!!! Through broken speech and sobs, the compassionate soul on the other end pieced it altogether. We had it scheduled. Cash or check only. I went to the ATM and withdrew the cash. The last thing I wanted to see was a reminder of the event on my bank statement.

Daisy Shih Tzu Walking With Rich

Daisy & Rich

The vet came and she was perfectly patient and calm. She was confident Miss Daisy had a lot of health issues that we weren’t even aware of. I held my baby girl and I prayed over her. I told her go find Jesus and Yoshi and play in the fields of heaven. I said I was sorry. I asked her to forgive me. I felt her take her last breath. She was gone. My sweet baby girl was gone. She had been by my side for over 14 years. She moved with me across the city and a couple trips across our country.

She witnessed me be beaten and she witnessed me falling in love. Good love. She herself fell in love with her daddy Rich.  She had walked thousands of miles with me and many of those she served as a mascot for a walking group I had formed. She loved trick or treaters and not even snow would keep her from a stroll to the neighbors to say hi. She was our home.  Even just a day ago, three months later, Rich dropped something that would have startled her, and he said, “Sorry Daisy” like we always had.

She was our home.

It’s taken a lot of tears, still they fall, and months to get back in the groove of things. But Daisy is so much bigger than her death. I recently had a thought of her spirit being so much bigger than her little shih-tzu frame and it sparkles with brilliant colors. Someone posted on my FB page that she will be the first one to greet me when I arrive in heaven. That was the beginning of my healing. We will be together again.

Thank you for allowing me to share my pain and heartache with you. There are big changes coming to Pink Cloud Coaching, including my first book – I’m hoping to publish this fall.

Even with this heartbreak – I would not want to numb or miss any moment of this memory by using alcohol. Alcohol only occurred to me because I thought it was odd that I didn’t struggle even then.

Sobriety isn’t about not drinking – It’s about being able to take charge of your life with clear mind and divine balance – even through the most painful times.

I’m Not Who I Was

Reset. I’m Not Who I was

If we are lucky we will get to a place in our life when we re-evaluate, reset, and begin again.  Yep.  I said lucky.  And I’m sticking to it.

This time with more intention, clearer vision, and less accepting of life irritants.

I find it’s here we start to assimilate all that has been.

And even though we are a composite of every life experience, painful event, moment of victory, how we move forward determines who we become.

When you think back on where you’ve been – try not to wince.  I still have dark memories that I feel would be better left in the dark locked spaces of my mind.  But they serve a purpose if we can get past the pain.  Look at them for insight rather than to shame ourselves.  It’s done.  No going backward.  I believe if it surfaces it’s to gift you, not to harm you.  Look at it straight on…at first.  Then all around it.  Who was I?  What was I thinking?  How have I changed?  Would I do that now?  If so, how would I do it differently?  What can I extract from this event to help my light shine even brighter?

It may take a few rounds to get to a place where you feel safe enough to observe the flashback.  Maybe you have been hit with a storm of them.  Keep calm.  You are being served wisdom from the soul. Keep breathing and take notes and when you feel safe in who you are today, ask questions.

We are not what we have done or who we were.  We are becoming.

– Teresa Rodden, Certified Life Coach

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Alcoholics Anonymous, church, me and you

I have a little rebel, maybe a lot, in me. I live a sober life. I am a Christian. I don’t attend AA meetings. I don’t attend church. Yet, I have appreciation for both. Especially, if they keep you healthy and dare I say, happy – joyful most definitely. I have been told I’m not a Christian, if I don’t go to church. And I have been told I will get drunk, if I don’t go to meetings. To which I say, there are no guarantees, if I do or don’t do either of the above. Actually, what I know for sure is, if I go against my inherent grain, my soul, my spirit, my beliefs (which I challenge from time to time), I will more than likely end up drunk, bitter, and resentful.

Peace is my guide and love is my direction.

I was born with an independent soul that is connected to all living things. Peace is my guide and love is my direction. That’s truth for me. I have found I’m at greater risk when I fall under someone else’s spell in the way of their belief, truth, or way of living. If they, people of the church or program, fall out of step, are not rigorously honest, bend the rules, have shades of truth, areas of gray, seem disingenuous, yet are the first to talk program or preach the word in righteous tone, the whole promise crumbles, program or religion.

…sometimes I stand alone.

I found the way for me to be healthy and at peace, is to be willing to do my own work, and sometimes stand alone.  I study the word and talk to Jesus in my way, commune with the Father through nature, and be in the body of Christ through fellowship, in a less formal manner. I began my relationship with Christ unwittingly as a child, abandoned Him for most of my life, and it was He I returned to when I was lost and nearly broken. I began living my life many years ago, not as an alcoholic, but as a woman who digs deep, faces her fears, keeps no secrets, stop telling lies to herself. I am a woman who lives in forward motion, always growing. I got sober in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous, but I chose my sobriety over the rooms of AA, many years ago.believe in you alcoholics anonymous church and me

This is my way. I invite you to go deep and find your way.

Be still. Listen. Ask questions. Keep notes.

Get to know and love yourself. Practice. Change your mind.

Experiment. Express yourself. Take imperfekt action.

Make mistakes. Dust yourself off and carry on.

Dream. Aspire. Create a plan.

Go for it. It’s YOUR life…live it.

– Teresa Rodden, Certified Life Coach

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