Beliefs can make you or break you. It’s from where they are born that make the difference.
“Why am I still here?” It was late fall 2002; I rolled over and reluctantly opened my eyes. I don’t know how long I had been asking this question, but I know it was becoming part of my morning ritual. I wasn’t suicidal and had no interest in taking my life. But I was tired, so very tired.
I felt trapped. Powerless. I had hit a dead end and couldn’t imagine how on earth anything could change my circumstances, except death. I don’t mean to sound bleak, but it’s my truth. My heart breaks that I ever felt such hopelessness.
What we believe is not always the truth.
I had always been such a fighter. From the depths of horrific childhood events to teenage single mommyhood and relying on government assistance, I rose with pure ambition and fierce tenacity to change the outcome. I sought out every opportunity to become better. I was terrified and intimidated, but my want for better trumped my doubt and fear. What happened to that girl? That fear stalker who even with criticism and critique over her lack of skills and business etiquette, crying from embarrassment in secret, but took note and kept moving forward, where did SHE go? I felt I had no connection to that power any longer. It’s as though the fire had been smothered.
If you want to change your drinking behavior, start with your beliefs.
And on a dreary winters morning, I discovered a small subtle spark was still there. It was oh-so-faint, but it was there. All it took was a decision to change that stoked the flame. Just as compounding one bad decision after another put me in that space of hopelessness, compounding one good decision after another adjusted my belief system and set me free.
Through years of drunken self-neglect and outsider abuse, I learned to believe there was no hope and that I was powerless. Alcohol reinforced my beliefs keeping me imprisoned.
If you want to change your drinking behavior, start with your beliefs. Get a notebook and start writing down common thoughts and feelings. Start by writing, “I believe” at the top of a page and write unfiltered. If you want to turn it up a notch, Conscious Drinking is specifically designed to expedite the process.